She, Me and You

Seeking some peace and solitude,
God answered my thirst,
Blessed me with such a beautiful prelude,
Calmed my unrest heart and quelled the curse,
Casted upon my feeble soul,
Warmed my day and fend off the cold,
Rain that fell upon me, though;
I’m torn between two,
Not by whom nor by who,
But by what I did and what I do,
Am I to You being fair and true?
I’m confused,
Not by when nor by why,
But by the affection for her and for You,
Am I to You just a brilliant fool?
But I thank You,
For the sunshine You bring to my day,
When the rain never seems to stop,
For the company,
When I am lonely,
For Your smile and laughter,
When I am just a step away from being a nutter,
For Your rationale advices,
When I am totally out of ideas,
For Your patience and kindness,
When I need a shoulder to lean on.
But You to me isn’t just a replacement,
I can’t afford to be complacent,
Or history will rewrite itself,
You have a piece of my heart,
But not realized it though,
You had it long long ago,
I’m sincere and true,
In everything I say or do,
But I fear,
I shall stumble upon the same spot again,
Fail and go through the pain,
But I shall try all I can,
So that whatever happens,
You won’t need to give me a lifelong ban,
To the least we still can be friends.
Nevertheless I pray and give thanks,
That You are there for me,
And hope that You will always be,
Till one day I can look over the vast open sea,
And say with confidence,
I am not lonely…

-The Bornion Crusader-

Lemma Sabhacthani...why have you forsaken me??

It all over now…
The storm is gone…
A new day was born…
But the land was scarred…
Deep to its core…
Like an incurable sore…
That bleeds forever…
It will never be the same…
Land of honey and milk…
That I once call paradise…
Things have since changed…
The storm ripped everything from this Land…
Even the boulders are like sand…
Tossed around by the mighty gust…
That tears everything in its path…
There can never be any more fun…
Fun no more under the sun…
What is done is done…
I had tried my all…
But the Land was scarred too beyond…
The storm was too strong…
I thought the Land is strong enough and through all challenges last…
Little did I know that I was very wrong…
The storm is all but of the past…
But still...
Nothing more I can say…
For every mistake the price I pay…
Had ripped me apart day by day…
How much longer strong I can stay?
My heart begins to decay…
The love and passion…
Has all gone astray…
All in all…
I’m sad to say…
The Land has to end this way…
Forgotten and begotten…
Foul and rotten…
Never again Love Faith and Hope will exist in this Land…
For the Three is not wanted nor needed…
Banned and totally ousted…
Only to hear the sobs of Adam…
Mourning for the lost of Eden…
Just for his love to Eve…
God had taught a good lesson…
Man can always commit treason…
Never count on any person…
For a total friend is beyond human…
I’m all but a broken man…
A broken man in this wretched Land…
I shall count on nobody but His mighty Hand…
And to the New Eden lead and guide me again…
For they have forfeited the friendship I thought I can regain…
Do not hold me anymore of my transgressions…
For this friendship I had lost all passion…
I am now tired and weary…
For this war I had fought bravely…
In the end I find my hand empty…
For what I get is segregation and empathy…
For all my efforts in defending the Land…
I should have known…
I was fighting all alone…
For a cause that cannot be mend...
I’ve lost nothing but all…
I’ve reach nowhere but stumbled and fall…
Lemma Sabhacthani…
My friend, my friend…
Why have you forsaken me??

-The Bornion Crusader-

the lament of the fallen man...

I had not known when…
My own downfall marked…
I was high up then…
Everything seems alright…
But fall comes after pride…
Down I came on the slide…
Hit the ground hard…
Caught me off guard…
Full on the chest…
Felt like choking, short of breath…
I tried to stand up…
But I need filling for my cup…
Weak and powerless…
To arise again from the ashes…
For my heart was ripped off…
And the bleed just can’t stop…
Many came and tried…
Patch up the wound and tell me ‘it’s all right”…
But it isn’t…
Stop grieving I just couldn’t…
I want to step out…
Of this pure darkness…
But there isn’t light…
To be my side and be my guide…
For I still don’t understand…
Nor know where I actually stand…
I am still floating around…
Going round and round…
I just wish the sun would just come out…
Shine through the darkness and clear the clouds…
Make me understand and clear my doubts…
For I want to be strong…
Leave the past and walk on…
With the truth you brings I shall in the darkness see…
With that truth I shall also break free…
Of this endless pit of self-denial…
Pain and endless trial…
Into the care free life I used to have…
I mind not if love does not return…
“It is more blessed to give than to receive”…
But I rather not live in lies and deceit…
Just want to be sure…
If this friendship was once pure…
If between you and me does have a cure…
For I will try my best and my all…
To turn the tides back to before…
Whatever happens next I can change no more…
Everything to God I give my all…
Whatever happens, big or small…
I would care less anymore…
For I am in the circle no more…
Ousted and banished…
Friendless evermore…
But on His power I will stand…
His promise I shall hold tight in my hand…
May He lead me out of this barren land…
And give me a second chance…
To rebuild my faith and my life...
Maybe for my love a second try…
And continue to strive…
In this life which no more my own...
In this world which never is my home…

-The Bornion Crusader-

the day my heart rots...

As though my heart,
A wooden stake driven through,
All I did was,
Being concern for someone or two,
Why am I treated like this??
As though I am,
No one but a stranger,
Poked my nose into you business,
After all this heart to heart whispers,
You condemn me of being treacherous.
As though I always thought,
Is this friendship a forge?
I was ignorant and silly,
And now my heart begins to rot,
From you I comfort sought,
To you I trouble brought.
As though I had not,
With my heart and soul,
This friendship won,
I loved you both more than my own,
But I reaped what I had not sown,
You just left me-all alone.
I do not understand,
Nor know why,
You both just left me, alone; to die,
With no one with me walk side by side,
In this world of loneliness,
Anguish so great that I can’t hide.
What wrong had I committed?
That I should face such judgment?
That my heart filled with sobbing cries?
Of this friendship that I treasured more than my life,
And that I get such treatments, in reply?
Why? Why? Tell me why?
I look up to the sky,
Can’t help but only sigh,
Is this my fate,
That my love for Eve is destined to die?
Oh please, My Love,
Don’t just pass me by.
I should have known,
This day is bound to come,
I should have known,
That “Friends Forever” is an old glorified lie,
For true friends willing for each other die,
And when for you everything I sacrifice,
You just kick on my ass and say,
“Why not you just go and die?”
What are friends for?
No more like before,
For when you were in need,
Aren’t I always there to listen, to comfort,
And wait to answer your desperate call?
Within a night,
Black can turn to white,
Friends or foes alike,
It doesn’t matter much more,
For my heart had rot and die,
When you just left me once and for all.
May God always be with you,
All in all,
For I cannot bear,
To be in your presence,
Any much more.

-The Bornion Crusader-

Infatuation...

when first baby cupid,
on my heart shot her magical arrow.
infatuation begins...

when first i,
realised that i'm in love,
stunned, lost for words,
love, is in the air...

when first I,
wanted to the girl of my heart, propose,
a killer blow; painful as stone crushed on my chest,
very much real, vivid and the agony,

unbearable…
not the first time though,
the world seems dark, gloom;
but untold pain and anguish,
flowing through the heart of mine.

she was all but his, taken;
her heart was not of her own, rather of his,
unavailable, deep in the sea of love,
of her breast closely embraced.

maybe one day,
of one day she, will finally see me in her eye,
of one day she will be mine and i be hers.
but is that day to come? will this love be mine?
will i be lonely, never again?

thus the story runs,
like a stream with no beginnings nor ends,
of a boy infatuated, with a girl,
of a one way love,
never destined to be returned.
And i wait, wait and wait,
a day, month, or year,
till the day her love is mine,
and mine is hers,
or till baby cupid returns to her trade,
shoots the arrow on the other girl,
perhaps, maybe,
freeing me again,
from that painful love,
or rebinds me,
to another,
endless infatuation…

-The Bornion Crusader-