When Peace seems…

 

When peace seems impossible,

all i see is pain, suffering and trouble;

at times the price for love is just too high,

too high that not even Trust could buy;

They falter away, further than mortal hand could grasp;

when peace seems impossible…

 

When peace seems inconceivable,

where hatred becomes the language universal;

no way out or way in,

for all had fallen short and sinned,

love felt so far away; vague and dimmed;

for when faith is gone,

bonds are torn;

 

When peace is absent,

what is left of those we built?

all those giggles and laughter,

masked within the great deep guilt;

have all i seen is false?

have all i dream is lost?

how great Love and Faith has cost!!

 

Such is the life of ours:

peace comes as it leaves,

joy and laughter is all that matters;

when thunder strikes, issues rise,

all is put away,

“i see myself ONLY in my eyes”;

in our pain nothing else count,

as if only we are to climb the highest mount;

 

Woe be to those of selfish thoughts;

I have been greatly mistaken; what a endless fall!!

let all go, and my Self begot;

Live for myself, yet more live for all!!

 

-Bornion Crusader-

Incomprehensibles…

Sometimes I just feel,

the world is upside down,

I don’t know what to believe;

Truth is nowhere to be found…

Often I’m confused,

by the currents of the World,

in which it operates its mystery,

shrouded in its clouded fakery…

At times I find myself dumbfounded,

when I reflect on how things changed,

how can one profess love yesterday,

yet the love is gone today?

Alas! Has the world gone astray?

Oh Seekers of Love and Peace,

In this mist of fear and pain,

Have all your efforts been in vain?

The world is not plain right or wrong;

it’s a mixture of black and white,

yet complacency becomes the resting place,

of those in the dark in need of light…

I pray that better things are yet to come,

than the world I’ve live to see today,

I pray that I would strive on and hard,

to see that blessed day,

though deep down I know: The End is not far away,

and pray,

I’m not too far astray…

-Bornion Crusader-

Letter to Love…

Dear Love,

What is Faith when Thou is not present?

What is Hope when Thou is absent?

Sometimes I forget, dear friend,

That Thou is all that matters.

 

Thou art kind, Thou art pure

To anguished hearts,

Thou art their cure.

Thou don’t bear grudges, not remembering wrongs

To conscience-stricken hearts,

Thou brought forgiveness.

Thou art faithful, and remained the same through ages

To those who love,

Thou prevailed even beyond the Hades.

 

What is Faith when Thou is not present?

What is Hope when Thou is absent?

Faith, Hope & Love

Among these and above,

Thou art the greatest of them all.

Till the end of ages part me not!!

 

Yours who love,

Unloved

-Bornion Crusader-

Letter to Hope

Dear Hope,

 

I pray thou part me not.

As how thou have been there for me…

It’s thy support I sought…

It’s thy strength that I walk on…

At times the skies are dark & gloom…

Nights where the stars veiled by the darkened moon…

I pray this Dusk would end very soon…

For Night is bound to be…

The lord of this land as the Day…

But if thou is ever around me…

I shall never go astray…

With if thou be my guide…

Thou would lead me through the darkest Night…

Though I may stand at the pinnacle of this Land…

Where the Night turns to Day…

Sometimes I get complacent, and am willing to stay…

Thou must give me a little nudge and say,

“The Day rests beyond a distance away, buckle up and get along the way…”

For if thou ever from me depart…

Where Salvation would be from thou apart??

For I’ll always know,

“Thou resides in my Heart”

 

Yours Hopefully,

Hopeless

 

-Bornion Crusader-

Letter to Faith

Dear Faith,

I know not how Thee

Defended me from the Evil Ones

Throughout all the years

Through all these fears

 

I know not how Thee

Stood by me even before legions of army

Safeguarding me from the tedious battles

That took place before the doorsteps of my heart

Throughout all the years

Through all these fears

 

I know I have neglected Thee

I’ve not care if Thou needed repairs

Or if rats nibbled holes on Thee

'But by Thy namesake Thou hadn’st forsaken me

Throughout all the years

Through all these fears

 

I know how sometimes I betray Thee

By my own arms tear Thee

For my heart yearns for the earthly lusts

Amidst of my treachery Thou has still protected me

Throughout all the years

Through all these fears

 

Thus with all I can

With what I am

For Thy sake as well as mine

I shall strive on and defend

This Land of Honey and Milk

Till the very very end

End of ages and End of men

 

Yours Faithfully,

Unfaithful

  -Bornion Crusader-

This Numbness…

 

Maybe it’s written on the stars…

Predictable as the weathers…

I couldn’t seem to pull myself together…

This Numbness engulfs my heart…

 

Maybe it has been prophesized…

Foretold by the signs…

I just can’t suppress this dreadful feeling…

This Numbness that tears me apart…

 

Maybe it is destined…

Like a script written for a play…

I thought I could rewrite them in my favour…

But alas this Numbness rips me within…

 

Maybe everything is just ‘maybe’s…

Something that none of us can foresee…

I think and decide and make my point…

But I guess, this Numbness won’t be here for long…

 

Maybe, things soon would turn out better for me!!

 

-Bornion Crusader-

An Unwilling Traveller’s Monologue…

Thinking that soon I’ll be leaving,

This land of comfort and love,

My tiny voice whispered within,

Would those years to come be of any worth?

If only it won’t my heart itself deceive,

This journey will be one that I would savour,

If only my heavy soul my body could heave,

Such a big world out there, What could I not achieve?

I wonder if I had put my best in her,

How different would today be?

I ponder if these coming days I can be there for Her,

Would She be there for me?

Its just a yard yet so far apart,

The Flower would soon charm a swarm of wasp,

I can only place it deep down my heart,

Wish it all the best, May you in love find your rest.

While my heart today has torn to two,

Yet I must walk on and live in full,

Who knows how, when and where,

I might return and she waits there.

Though it may be just a hollow dream,

I may not succeed, I may not win,

But upon this dream, my hope I pin.

-Bornion Crusader-

Particles of Hope…

Sometimes I wonder,

What tomorrow would bring,

While today is a wretched one...

I would want to run,

From this world if I can…

For it’s an empty hunt,

To answer questions of how and when...

The night seems so long,

With everything seems so wrong…

But each night has to end with dawn,

And a new day shall soon be born…

Light would shine amidst of darkness,

And Hope emerge among the hopeless…

This light will be my light,

To lead me on as my guide…

I shall walk towards the light,

Leaving the shadow behind…

For when hope answers to my plights,

I shall savour joy forever,

High up on cloud nines!!

-Bornion Crusader-

Why do one fall in love??

Why, why do I fall in love??

that I may get to my feet again…

and for all my efforts worth…

I find my hand in hers and hers in mine…

Why, why do you fall in love??

For a friend in need is a friend indeed…

down the dark deep woods…

this love brings warmth and darkness rid…

Why, why do we fall in love??

God first loved us and so we love…

Shall we reject all sufferings and hardship, blaming God for them??

Behold!! God is no tool for man to sought his own!!

Open our hearts and help us learn; through the thick and thin God is love!!

Why, why do we fall in love??

For the little life within means everything…

A child is the jewel of the father and the mom…

A union of two flesh into giving birth to one…

Flee, flee if you really want…

But nothing is left but a great defeat…

A great defeat to a queer little feeling…

So in-comprehendible for it’s so deep…

Yet so shallow that none could wish to drown in it…

Love is so deep that it has no depths…

yet not shallow enough for one to hope drowning in.

So mysterious…

Such precious…

LOVE

In response to:

Leaving The Past Behind & When You Look At Me

-Bornion Crusader-

As a whole; Not as one…

I felt great at first…

Confidence in me fought to burst…

For I did well…

So pride in me swell…

But is me all that matters??

While some are in tatters??

The cries of the poor and the need,

Have I answered and given out freely??

Though what I can do is little…

My strength is feeble…

But won’t we try to climb the mount…

And reach for the Valley of Endless Bound??

If we would just come together…

For the love for one another…

I would want to be the first to serve…

And the last to enjoy being loved…

That all of us might reach our destination…

As a whole; not as one…

That we may fulfill our dreams and obligations…

Not me only; but everyone…

-The Bornion Crusader-

The way we are…

Candles burn; not for self but for all…

In self-pity it cries not, but for our ungrateful thought…

Whom constantly belittle its graceful fall…

We’re woeful creatures; full of ourselves…

Ages to ages, this is just the way we are…

“Excuses” are our faithful friend; a child, teen or man…

We get through each day riding on such stead…

Buying us way out of trouble in no speed…

“Accident's” do happen; and yes, babies come with them…

Humans are “beasts”; We are the way we are…

The tongue is a useful ally; while we boast and spread envy…

It is what that made the hypocrites look pious…

While masking behind the mortal-Divined revelations…

Bending rules and feed themselves full…

Of the poor and needy; it’s ugly, but it’s how the way we are…

Only those who fly have wings…

Men don’t, therefore we hate those pretty things…

Not wanting to lose out, Icarus wield his own to join the birds…

To his own ego and defiance he met his end…

Man are not destined for what they never can…

We never learn; and this is just the way we are…

While the women fought their way up far…

They seem to forget; some things are not meant to be on par…

The moon reflects what’s given by the star…

But the sun commands nothing in the presence of moon and vice versa…

Like it or not, men and women are the way things are…

Once fallen, one hit hard onto the ground…

But would one able to stand up, and go for another round??

Once lost, one goes astray into the wild…

But what are the chances of being found??

One often lives in self-denial; That’s just the way we are…

Reaching dreams make one struggle for perfection…

But dreams often happen in one’s sleep…

Shall one drop his guard and let his chances slip…

Or instead keep wide awake and reach for his destination??

To most life’s a delusion; We, after all is just what we are…

“Where is Thy love?” the world often asked…

“Give us guidance from above!!”…

Smirking, God replied, “Hadn’t I sent you Love?”

“You refused to believe, and would not faithfully serve”…

We think that we’re wise; in truth are foolish beings…

We are just the way we are…

-Bornion Crusader-

In response to "The way globalized things are"

Sometimes…

Sometimes we may not seem to understand…

Nor what our counterparts have in mind…

We are just “boys” manifest in bodies of man…

Most of the time our eyes may see but at times our hearts  are blind…

Sometimes we may seem not wanting to comprehend…

For at times life takes it’s toll off us…

Those times we just want someone to be there as our friend…

Life at times, could be a dreadful curse…

Sometimes we just couldn’t understand…

Why they would make effort and dress up in fancy…

Some say it meant solely to please the men…

But sometimes simplicity is to look sexy…

Sometimes we might not comprehend…

What they go through or what they feel…

We don’t know what to do; so we would just pretend…

That we may not hurt them and help them heal…

 

Sometimes we may purposely prick on them…

But all we wanted is a little reaction…

At times we might appear harsh and firm…

But all we wanted is a little attention…

Sometimes we may just not comprehend the simplest of meanings…

Nor understand the upmost complicated messages…

After all we are what we are: mere human beings…

So please forgive us men, and help us pay our wages…

THAT WE MIGHT LOVE THEM MORE, AND UNDERSTAND THEM BETTER!!

-Bornion Crusader-

Maybe… Lets go forth!!

 

maybe it wasn’t that bad after all…

after all that had happened…

maybe it’s some sort of compensation…

after all, is there for me to lose anymore??

 

maybe the worst had past after all…

after all the hurt and pain from the fall…

there’s nowhere but up to go…

to live for myself; this i would do…

 

but this happens every time…

every time i thought all was lost…

when despair took its place and dreams are tossed…

the sun shines through and melt the frost…

 

let’s just bear a little longer…

whether as friends or as a loner…

maybe after all, all would change for the better…

maybe after all, the sad days are finally over…

 

let’s just keep our fingers crossed…

though what was said or done may not be rid off…

for everything has its own price and cost…

and for this reason “Let’s go forth!!”

 

-Bornion Crusader-

Ramblings of the Heart…

 

I love to write poems; for it is the cryptology of the linguistic language. But at times (like this) I just feel like I want to express myself without encrypting mind twisting symbolisms.

Likewise, I wish to have friends who can see past the crypts of my tale; the true emotions behind the mask. But how many really do?? How many really empathize or “walk in my skin”??

Sometimes I am just so let down by the things and happenings around me. I want and choose to “believe in the best of others”, but as how the wise Mr. Mior puts it in, “people would always disappoint you”. Sometimes I’m so down i wanted to give up believing that there is sincerity between friendship.

I believe most readers would understand the traumatic events that led to this pathetic me. But for the sake of those who doesn’t, I’ll spare the pain of going through it all again (mentally).

I think I committed the greatest taboo in a friendship; I was infatuated with a friend of mine. Everything was fine and well, till under some circumstances that my feelings were made known. Things became sour and the friendship rots away. But that’s not the worse of it. What I can’t and yet to comprehend is why I am being treated such a way. You may say that i befriended in order to approach her; I do not deny. But my question is, “WHO DOESN’T??”. You may say that I wasn’t sincere in the friendship. Alright, I admit that there is this little part that I am not being truthful about; My true feelings for her. Yet this was because I fear what would become of us if she ever finds out. Truly enough, there couldn’t be any worst things that took place.

In that relationship (be it friendship or infatuation), I say that I gave my all. I’m hurt till this day because I loved. But after all this while, things were swept under the cabinet, and I am STILL in the dark.

But readers must have wondered, why now?? Why after a year or more only I voiced out this concern of mine?? In truth I am constantly in struggle overcoming this trauma of mine all these while. If my dear friends think otherwise, you can’t be much wrong than you are. It is not the trauma of being rejected, but the trauma of being treated so unfairly by a friend that I have cared and love (as a friend) so much. It is so severe that it effects my interactions with other friends (I believe some would understand this). Beneath the coldness of my facial expressions lies a vast ocean of uncertainty.

While I am still suffering from this undignified pain, this friend of mine is rather sociable. Well, it is none of my business to meddle or to comment upon it, after all that had happened. But I find it hard to accept the fact how one can truly call another friend (or lover) when he/she treated others unfairly?? By all means, be happy (and it’s always a good thing to have someone). I am not writing to criticise or to protest any forms of relationship this friend is bonding, in the present or the future. But I do want to relay the message that though I may seem minute and insignificance in your life, but you once held the highest regard I bestow to my love ones (especially MARJON 1 IPGAYA, family and a special friend). No matter what you think of me, I had once tried to believe in the best of you. I have to admit, as a dear friend of mine puts it, “you both are still friends, just not that close anymore”. By all means, we are still friends (that’s if you wouldn’t mind), but if you wouldn’t after reading this post under any circumstances, i have nothing to say.All I could do is to wish you luck, for I think (I don’t know what others think) that you need much of it.

Indeed the truth doesn’t matter now, for I’m being let down all and out. I pray that those I love and those who love me would still stick with me through the thick and thin, for I need all the love there is to get over this trauma of mine. Help me to rediscover my faith and trust in the best of others, help me to recover the sweetness in true friendship, help me in my quest to be a good friend to those who hath and still love me, and a better one to those who doesn’t.

 

-Bornion Crusader-

Best & Fair

the aching heart cries out in agony…

the mind struggles in frenzy…

the battle has not been won…

but the most is gone…

 

how i tread carefully all these while…

a step at a time on life’s Green Mile…

through all the hardship and the pain…

everything turn out in vain…

 

i’ve put my all upon the floor…

everything i have, nothing less or more…

the outcome is futile…

both in the past and now…

 

why then should i push myself,

to my limits for thyself??

 

i command no place in your narrow world…

i am just another Kino seeking the “World’s Biggest Pearl”…

But despair and grieve came with it…

thus i have no choice but be part from it…

for any longer my life would collapse for something…

that i have no place without or within…

 

life of simplicity would be a bliss…

celibacy might spare me of the “Pearl’s” amiss…

but i pray that it would meet its worthy owner…

retaining it is painful, and way much harder…

 

i shan’t longer wait anymore…

all hopes thrown out of the door…

i wish for nothing now…

but if God has more to spare…

i shan’t neither grumble and gladly bear…

for God’s blessings would be the best and fair!!

 

-Bornion Crusader-

Reunion...

A train of thoughts flow through the mind…

While staring upon the stars that blind…

Of where life has led me with this fate of mine…

I’ve been through the sweet, sour and bitter…

For I once thought sweet was the only flavor…

But alas life has more to come…

That without pain pleasure brings no fun…

I used to be so ignorant and naïve…

And I wanted to believe in dreams and myths…

But I was brought to ground, solid and hard…

My dreams and heart suffered from serious cuts…

Just as stars ventured out of its designated paths…

A drastic fall from grace,

all that is there is god’s immense wrath…

People often say that “time heals everything”…

But mine is far from any “complete healing”…

Every wound would leave a scar…

We can never be again who we are…

For the wages of sin is death…

Dead in the spirit, no hope is left…

But there was this fountain of the “Divine Healing”…

Of blood and flesh from our divine kin...

There was no hope, but to Love was more than willing…

To those who believe a life anew it brings…

Though I lost in the past but now I win…

With the Faith bestowed I am keen…

To face tomorrow with the Hope I’ve seen…

Though the scars would remain for what I’ve done…

Though I failed in my quest for the things I want…

But now life rewrites itself anew…

While the gentle breeze on my face it blew…

The train of thoughts flow through my mind…

I was once lost; I was blind…

But all that matters is am now been found…

To Love I am forever bound…

And all my blessings I keep a count…

Till the day everything comes to an end…

Of which Love reunites with man…

-Bornion Crusader-

My incompetence, My Limitations...

If I could ever just bring peace…
To the world that crave for it…
If I could ever bring ease…
To those who are in need…
If I could ever just be powerful...
To cater to all how God did…
If I could ever be more capable…
Maybe there’re lesser people who bleed…

Yet I know there’s much I can’t achieve…
Some dreams are too great to reach…
Though there’s much I want to believe…
Somehow there’s something of a problem; or a glitch…
I want to practice of what I often preach…
Yet most of the time,
Between talking n acting there’s a great great rift…

Sometimes I would just want to take both paths…
Where it would only allow a choice of either one…
Sometimes I wonder if the Devil is having a cruel laugh…
When I’m to decide whom to cater to…
I find myself never been ever true;
I’m weak, and just a fool…
What can I possibly do??

I despise my own incompetence…
My own inability to bring relieve…
To protect my own confidence…
To defend my own belief…

Now I’m left standing…
At the wake of the consequences of my own decision…
Which I can never regret…
Nor take a U-turn back…
For in compensation for my limitation…
I am to sacrifice another option…
In favor for another that is full of doubts and questions…
Which I hope that my heart would never need to answer...
My conscience painful reaction...

-Bornion Crusader-

Let It Go, Let It flow...

The much anticipated moment of despair…
Has finally taken its place…
To some it was hard to bear…
It’s just too unfair!!
Some took a whole day…
For the thought to sink in…
Reflecting upon it…
It’s such a sad sad thing…
Mourning over the painful tear…
Fuming over the ugly win…
Is life gonna be a new beginning?
Classes were fun,
Often with debates and words of punts…
And tips for Life’s Cruel Run…
Who shall water the half grown plants??
Which in need of proper care…
Who shall tell us how to dress up and what to wear??
And how to mend broken hearts and broken pairs??
Life has come to a change…
And so must we…
Things of the past; the gain the loss…
Let go and just let it be…
For it is tomorrow that we must brace bravely…
Mourn if we must…
But don’t be bound to it…
For in changes and new things we must invest our trusts…
Rebuild once again from scratch…
And maybe someday we’ll realize…
What happened today is a blessing set for tomorrow…
Though stranded in our present sorrows…
Have faith and the Lord shall pick us up…
And lead us on where we should go…

-Bornion Crusader-