There is this unspeakable fear, a dreadful feeling that remained stuck in some corner of his heart. You won’t get hurt if you don’t hope for it, they say. He used to think it was silly, but now it start to make sense to him, such philosophical words.
She always have been on his mind, as a friend. Although he hopes that there would be more than just friendship, it seems unlikely in the circumstances he’s in. But he longed for her presence, be it little messages on Twitter or pokes on Facebook, phone calls across the continent or the far distant memories of the little coffee shop they sat and talked all day together.
Probably it was work, he would like to think, that she gradually drifted away. More and more phone calls went unanswered, messages un-replied. To some extend he began to think that he was probably being a nuisance. Or maybe her boyfriend felt it was too improper, improper to adhere to his desire for her affection and attention.
He stopped suddenly, no more attempts to communicate with her. Why not leave with some dignity intact than to strive for a lost cause? He chose pride over friendship, as well as potential romantic interest. Over time it seems that he had finally got over her. Making new friends, meeting new people, trying new and different things.
I shouldn’t have done it. Just out of curiosity, he poked her on Facebook. To see if she does it in return. He wasn’t even really hoping, but she did poke him in return. Now I’m in a dilemma. They chatted and reconnected their abandoned friendship on that fine afternoon, catching up to each other’s tale of the lost 6 months. She apologized that she was busy for a moment of time, and was sorry for not sparing much time for him. She promised that they will properly speak to one another when both of them were available.
Available? When is considered “available”? He used to call her once every fortnight, sometimes once a week. If it is her, he could call her everyday if she likes it. She didn’t realise that her promise brought hope to him, and also equally fatal dose of disappointment. He wonders if he could take another rejection again. What if she suddenly breaks off again after they re-established their relationship? What if she finds him too irritating?
Should I? Should I not? This is killing him. It is almost like drugs. It corrodes you within, but you need it to keep you going, to keep you feeling like you’re actually living. So curiosity DOES kill the cat. There is only himself to blame, for pushing that self-destruct “poke” Facebook button.
What shall he do??
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