I can’t think of other times which I felt more boredom, solitude than tonight. Isn’t summer suppose to be a time of warmth, joy and expectations? What I have in company is the chilling weather, showers of rain with continuous flow of songs to keep my soul awake. Awake from slumbering into nothingness.
I think I miss home. I really do. People ask me why don’t i return for summer, or if I ever missed home. I always answered that it cost too much to fly home, and that I am not really homesick. I wasn’t lying. Flying home would really take off a huge hunk of money from my already depleted bank account. And I am expecting future financial issues that may arise.
I am not homesick, but I do miss those times when my father and I would take a ride out to the shops just within the vicinity of the housing estate, eat some Tuaran Mee, drinking his Chinese Tea he mix himself. He is the living incarnation of Cephas (means rock). He is to me the foundation and rock of this small home. Yet he is not faultless. But if there’s anyone that I could rely on, it would be him.
I miss talking to my mother about her schools, students and teachers. I felt that I have learn so much more than not having a headmistress mother. In truth I can see how she strives for the children and her colleagues, yet saying that I understand every single thing she goes through in life would be a crime. She may appear strong and firm outside. But at times what she needs is a man to rely on.
I miss spending time with my brother, talking about classical music, latest manga, and play *fighting* with him (though there were real fights). Sometimes he just want to look up to me, who foreruns just before him. But I feel that I let him down at times. He has so much potential, so much untapped energies that could easily surpasses me. I think that is why he felt weighted by the heavy expectations my parents have for him. I think, I sometimes make the same mistake of pinning an overdose of hope onto his still fragile and young mind.
I miss the dinners my family so often take together. If there’s anything that I would want more than a trip home, it would be to have a proper meal with my family together. My family is no different from the ones you have. We do have good times together: spending time together, going places together. We do hit low points: we quarrel, argue and fight. But what really matters is that we have each other.
“Where your heart is, there would your treasure be”. My treasure has always been my home. But pardon me, miles to walk before I finally return, before I finally stop.