As of this stage, time, space, I find myself in a mire of doubts, anxiety and dilemma. A dilemma once so mythical, so unreal that nobody really give it a thought, or even considered its existence. But this, an embodiment of irony and satire, is now a reality no true Malaysian that has ever tasted life beyond Malaysia can escape unscathed, unblemished, unhurt.
It is only common and logical that people expect great and majestic things from those who were given the opportunity to seek knowledge and skills beyond the four borders of this country. Hard-earned money toiled with blood and sweat of the rakyat freely given, poured out to fund these expeditions of the few that they may obtain the unobtainable, due to lack of insight and farsightedness of the Malaysian academia.
To put it simply, we are to learn what made others strong, that we ourselves may become strong.
But alongside sky-high expectations people had of us also came serious scrutiny and criticism of every single things that we do that is considered a blasphemy in the eyes of our people. It is ironic that our own people, who funded and sent us away on these quests for knowledge and skills, are the very same people that also discriminate, ridicule and belittle us. The very same people that wished us Good luck! are also those who are prejudiced against us, indifferent to whether their judgment are merited or not.
Many people do not realise that the culture of a society is the dynamics for success and development. I do not blame those who cannot understand this, because they were not blessed with the opportunity to experience and observe this truth. We left on a mission, to learn and acquire whatever that may strengthen us. But when we return we were crucified and prosecuted for the fruits of our labour that they cannot comprehend nor understand due to the nature of our very own culture.
We learnt that autonomy of decisions, freedom of thoughts and humanistic values of the individual are the very foundations of the Western civilisation; the very groundwork that strengthens the individual. When every individual is strong, the collective is also empowered. But our society does not value these; autonomy is subdued by the power hierarchy and bureaucracy, freedom of thoughts restricted by the limited understanding and the ability to comprehend revolutionary ideas or methods, humanistic values bound by the belief where the “benefits of the collective always supersede the individual”.
Ironically, the political, ideological and economical beliefs of this nation often only benefits those placed in the highest echelon of the community. The very same policy-makers that sent us miles across the ocean to bring back creativity, innovations and breakthroughs. They made us different, empowered, stronger, passionate. But they also enacted policies that attempt to break, subdue and force us back into perfect submission. Stronger, but not at the cost of overthrowing the current regime.
But none of these are comparable to the agony, pain and anguish inflicted upon us by a simple act of indifference. Right at the moment when you were defending yourself from fiery arrows shot from multiple directions, right at the moment when you need someone to just show some empathy and understanding, right at the moment you need some friendlies among packs of bullies, the very person you think you can depend on simply shrugged off all expectations with these cruel words: “I can’t do anything, that goes against the higher-ups”.
Imagine, how deep this betrayal runs. Shivers running down your spine, disappointment seeping through your soul. Imagine.
So please do not claim that you understand nor comprehend how we feel at all because know we know you do not. We had expected more from those whom we placed our confidence in. I expected better. I expected that someone who studied overseas would understand our plight and cause. But unfortunately and sadly, it seems we got to fight on our own.
It is said that the nail that sticks out will be hammered. Maybe, the very heart of the Malaysian dilemma runs deep down the culture and mentality of the Malaysian people. Maybe those who thought outside the box were simply denied the opportunity to exert their capabilities. Maybe those who exhibit traits of creativity and hardworking are simply forced away from the resources necessary for their grand ideas to take shape, thanks to the economic disparity and endless bureaucratic procedures of this country. Maybe every Malaysian nail that stood out were hammered away, ending up being enlisted and incorporated by the societies that can accept them, making full use of what they have to offer.
“One man’s poison is another man’s meat”
The dichotomy of the Malaysian society is simple: you either stand out too much, too long that you are no longer welcomed in your own home, or you live long enough to see yourself become the very same people that changed you into one of them. It does not take an epiphany to understand Malaysia suffers from “brain-drain” with our huge pool of talented, brilliant and far-sighted minds at our disposal siphoned away to other countries such as the UK, Australia, Singapore. Only those societies that can and willing to accept minds that are critical, creative and innovative can have any possibilities of advancement at all. Those who do not seek to improve, can expect nothing but only regression.
I am truly disappointed, let down, hurt. This dilemma is proving to be a very tough battle between conforming to the norms and culture of this society, or remain being the nail that sticks out that everybody takes a dig at, that everybody hates, that everybody detests. But I sincerely pray, with all my heart and soul, that I would not live long enough to see my passion, principles and beliefs engulfed and drowned, betrayed by my own conformity to the norms of this dim and depressing society.
- A Knowledgeable man understands his Era-
- A Wise man challenges his Era-
- A Great man creates his Era. -
Sincerely,
Si Tenggang the Prodigal Son…
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