U.&.I – Part V

 

It has barely dawned, but he is already up, walking down the little pathway behind the house. This is a little mountain pathway that leads to the summit of a hill approximately half a mile away from the house. Old habits die hard; without any intention of going anywhere, his morning routine is what he does when he needs to think alone.

Up for a little walk?

As he walks he recalls a Catholic retreat centre he visited years ago. There was also a pathway, a hill like this. Along the pathways that leads to the top are memorial plaques, stories of the Crucifixion engraved upon them. Pilgrims often journey up the pathway meditating on the Christ’s final moments of his life.

This hill does not have plaques set along its path, but almost every one-two hundred yards there will be a shrine-like stones set up right next to the path. There are now occasional noises here and there, contrasting the dead silence when he first began his journey.

At least I’m not alone.

Someone once told him that the world is divided into two: those who think, and those who do. The smart and critical thinks a lot, while the pragmatic and practical just…do. But great men transcends this divide; they think and do. All he had done was think, think and think.

An old idea crept back into his mind, if only…would things have been different? If he had taken the initiative, things might never be the same again. But, can he transcend  himself and move out of his comfort zone, and actually try doing something?

Unfortunately, time is not a luxury that I have.

He heard that they broke up, again. Thinking that it might just some lovey-dovey quarrel between those two, he didn’t pay much attention to it. But when she dropped by intoxicated, both eyes swollen, he knew that the rumours were true. She wept throughout the night without uttering a single word. Sitting next to her, he was wrapped up in his own thoughts.

By this time the pathway becomes steeper and more obscured, but he continues on. More sunlight has punctured the thick tropical canopy above him, lightening up his surroundings. But remnants of the morning dew is still visible around him. Taking a break, he drops himself to the ground, with his eyes fixated on the empty opening right before him.

Would you…allow me…Have you ever…?

At that moment he feels the weight of his cross necklace wearing him down. The burden and weight of the choices he has to make is crushing him. Should he avoid pain of rejection and opt for the safety net of friendship but risks eternal regret? Or should he call ALL IN and bet everything on this opening. Should he, be optimistic or pragmatic?

He picks himself up holding onto the tree bark he is resting on, feeling reinvigorate after that short break. But his mind remains restless, as he walks along the path that seems to gradually fade away. Then the path seemingly assimilated into the surroundings. But at this point he can see a small visitor hut that stands out silently and firmly in stillness about 50 yards away. 

Would you let all these pass from me, or bear it wholehearted with me?

At this time the sun has fully emerged, evaporating and dispelling the dew and the mists. The forest awakes from its slumber, with birds chirping and squirrels running up and down the trees. Then he notices that there is something engraved on the floor.

“I lift my eyes to the hills,

where shall my help come from?”

He looks up trying to see as far as he can, then realises that he is yet at the top of the hill. This is merely halfway point of the journey. But there is no more path ahead, which means this little voyage has to come to an end. But who is he to say that there is no more way?

He smiles as he ponders upon those words. He is nearly at his journey’s end, but not just yet. There is still a little fight left in him.

There will be a way.