悲乐

试问世间何谓情

至叫吾肚绞断肠？

探遍人间何为义

竟使尔为人舍己？

 

双眼含泪问苍天

情义何以难共存？

俯首叹气问大地

红线月老弄七夕？

 

吾心虽悲亦无憾

一阵甜蜜三分酸

的尔知己满足已

有此红颜无悔兮

你---给不到

你发问的时候...

这一刹那，我自己也不知道自己究竟想要什么。我到底期盼些什么？感情上的解脱，还是那钩人心思的牵挂？直觉告诉自己，此时放手最为明智。但心，确实百般不想，万分不愿。

难道我要的那么难以琢磨？所要的，所需的，可都一样吗？我要的是什么？伴？能互相诉说心思的红颜，互相倾听心事的知己？还是那一刻终于得到一向来梦寐以求的一阵满足感？我真的不知道。

我曾经何年何月何日何时，以为自己真真实实拥有这一切。但，树欲静而风不止。世事十之八九，不如人意。一眨眼，酒后三分醒，梦毕六神清。愿意与否，自己就从这自欺欺人的梦境，被打回这残酷的现实。

我要的毕竟是什么？很遗憾，很可惜...

你---给不到。

Come By Faith

I have no words to calm your heart,

or the presence to give you assurance.

Take a little leap of faith,

come, pray with me.

 

I have neither the expertise to ease your pain,

nor the control over the sore and ache.

But do take this leap of faith,

come, weep with me.

 

I lay no claim that I can comprehend,

what you are going through.

Do take  the leap of faith,

Come, wail with me.

 

There are no magic words to sooth the agony,

or the power to make these go away.

Let’s take this little leap of faith,

Come, jump with me.

 

I have no faith in the age-old lie,

that “All would be, and will be well”.

But believe me, for “What will be, will be”,

So come, soar with me.

 

Let none the bells of St. Peter’s gate,

high up ringing and lamenting in grief.

But should it must, then so be it,

for I’ll always be here for you,

 

SO HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME,

COME, COME LEAP WITH ME!!!

 

F/N: This is dedicated to a dear friend who is struggling to overcome a massive challenge in life. There are no words to express the mortifying agony that stems from  my inability to do anything to provide any form of assistance. There is nothing that I can offer other than these words; a sincere prayer, the anguish expressed from the heart. May these words of prayer be a source of comfort to this dear friend in time of trial and need. And amidst of  the troubled waters, gives hope and form to  the words embedded beneath all the pain and sorrow. May this poem also be the prayer for all that may also be struggling with life.

铃声

或许，我不是你所需的，更加不是你所要的。但我想让你知，我现在，还在你心窍门前徘徊。或许我太在乎你，不容自己逼你做你不要和不想做的事。很自愿地，为了成全你，就牺牲自己。双目无神，泪满双襟，默默地守候那渺然的期盼。

难道你不曾心动，仍然坚持拒我于千里之外？难道你不曾心软，对一切无动于衷？难道你麻木了，就好比我盲了双眼？难道，一切的一切，这些的这些，所有的所有，都弥补不了你心中的空缺，你心灵里的缺陷？

你可真的是那只永远不会出现的野兔？苦苦守着株树，换来只有岁月的冲洗，光阴的遗弃？难道一切都是纯粹的偶然，真的并非冥冥之中的天算？

望梅，倒可以止渴；画饼还可以充饥。对你单恋的痛楚，相思的悲哀，我到底要用什么来麻痹自己？

你在我心里设下的毒，何时方解？

Falling Into Heaven: Silent Night

Picking up the chilled tankard, he emptied it right down in several big gulps, before slamming it onto the surface of the black, sleek table. Feeling it rising inside him, he braced himself against the incoming burp. It hit him hard, almost ending up regurgitating all the booze he had been drowning himself in for the past hour.

Trying to sooth that dreadful feeling, he held a palm across his chest, another against the table, resting his forehead upon it. When it finally passed, he leaned back against the chair as far as he could, both hands covering his face, giving his stiff back some stretching. All he had been doing for the past few weeks were just typing and drafting proposals and documents, and that’s gradually hitting his breaking point.

In a spur of madness he laughed hysterically, drawing plenty of attention from the other patrons of the bar.

Screw it. Nobody knows nobody here.

This wasn’t the usual place they hit on girls or get drunk all those times. It’s more of a pub than a karaoke lounge or a club. The patrons here are usually senior citizens or people that actually wants to have a proper conversation surrounded by somewhat jazzy ambience. He wasn’t in his suits either; just jeans and a denim jacket hiding the hideous Spiderman T-shirt he got last Christmas.

Like all bartenders, this one seemed to telepathically read his mind, popped another bottle of Heineken free of its cap and placed it before him. “Thanks,” he smiled bitterly. The bartender replied with a thumbs up before saying, “Haven’t seen you around before. You new in this neighbourhood?”

He nodded, “Just passing by.”

“Where’re you headed to?”

“Anyway but the city, I suppose,” he answered after giving it some thought.

The bartender stared back at him, then smiled back at him empathically, before he was summoned to serve the other customers. Feeling relieved yet partly disappointed, he was sipping his beer alone, left to his own thoughts. One hand holding the bottle, his left was constantly reaching out to the peanuts, stuffing them in at a staccato-ish tempo…

“There you are!!” A voice boomed from the back, before a palm landed on his shoulder.

“Another one of his, please!!” Dyke, in his suit,  rested himself right next to him, while busily texting someone on his mobile. A moment later the mobile was shoved into his pocket, and Dyke turned his attention to the beer of bottle that was just placed before him.

“Cheers,” he held his half-drained bottle mid-air, waiting for Dyke to return the gesture.

“To your health, mate.” Both of them took a big sip, before resorting to another stretch of silence.

“You cool?” Dyke broke silence, while staring intently at him.

“Yeah…no…No, I’m not,” he replied, decided to be honest to his workmate in the end.

“You mad?? It was that night, isn’t it?? I’m sorry but we were all high. I was freaking high. I couldn’t tell from left to right,” Dyke resorted to his apologetic tone.  

He allowed himself the luxury to chuckled for a moment of two, before sipping on his beer, almost choking himself when he tried recalling how high they were that night.

“YOU, my friend, were TOTALLY WASTED,” he continued, “no offence taken.” Dyke sighed in relief, but in no way was prepared for what came next.

Raising his beer mid-air, he gave Dyke toast. “To your ignorance and stupidity, for which if absent from my life would result in a severe deterrence to enlightenment and understanding, of which I  be subjected to a loop of endless  self-gratifying and self-pitying of my own.”

Without waiting for a response, he emptied his tankard, leaving Dyke stunned and speechless in his spot. Dyke was just starring at him, trying to comprehend the incomprehensible. Slamming the tankard onto the table, he said, “The tab’s on you,” before standing up and left for the door.

Making his way onto the streets, he paced northwest towards the city, not exactly sure where he intends to go next. Even more so after insulting and pissing of his one of the few friends and colleague he could actually mingle around at work.

It’s gonna be so AWKWARD…

He wasn’t sure why he acted that way, and the reason he had uttered such hurtful words was beyond his comprehension. But he felt good afterwards; some kind of poison expunged from the inside after his outburst. Someone had to pay for that and Dyke was the unfortunate scapegoat who took that head on like a champ. To be fair, nobody is MORE QUALIFIED than Dyke to be at the receiving end.

Perhaps I should apolog…

CRASH!!!

All he felt next was a crushing blow descending upon his skull, and a searing pain punctured through his left temple. He crumbled onto the ground almost instantly, before feeling his hands on some kind of slack fabric. It was pitch black but soon enough he was tasting blood in his mouth. There were lots of shouting but there wasn’t anything that he could make out before he lost consciousness…