TH3 ULT!M@T3 M@L@YS!@N R3@L!TY SH0W

 

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Good evening to everybody tuning in tonight!! First we’ll have a brief recap of today’s big headline. So it’s official; as of 2400 hours tonight prices of the RON 95 petrol and diesel shall increased by another 20 cents (Malaysian Ringgit, if you wondered). Long before the official announcements were made the news had already spread across all social media mediums (Facebook, Twitter etc.)

 

Torrents of feelings and dissatisfaction are flooding the mass media this very second. Let’s tap in to tonight’s WHAT’S WHAT & WHO’S WHO - TH3 ULT!M@T3 M@L@YS!@N R3@L!TY SH0W!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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First are the Horde. Angry Horde. People whose aim is just to tell others how pissed they are. Some were regurgitating past promises made by prominent leaders about NOT raising fuel prices. The others were battering the country for blatantly placing heavier burdens on the rakyat just to make good on a promise to give out cash freebies to everybody, and yes, everybody means everybody with a Malaysian IC (get my point?)

 

Then we have the Optimists. Mind you, they are pissed as well. But instead of being pissed at the inevitable or harbour toxic resentment against those in power, these people are clamouring to nearby petrol stations trying to get that one last tank of pre-increment fuel before the clock strikes midnight.  Though probably ain’t as long as the line waiting outside McDonalds to purchase Happy Meals that came with those HUGELY popular  Minions figurine(yes, pun intended).

 

Lastly we have the “Mohists”; The Indifferent and The Floaters:

 

The Indifferent don’t really have a say. Prices (not only fuel) fluctuate up and down and things are way beyond their control. They can only continue striving and working their ass off to make ends meet. Those who were lucky enough to get to work legally can make it through the day without much fuss. Those less unfortunate that were trafficked illegally would have far less to live with. With prices destined to rise, inflation to kick in, and with no income increment to check with, these people are doomed to resort to any means of survival, even the most unimaginable. 

 

As for The Floaters. Well, they make do with everything just as usual. Yeah fuel prices has only ever go up and seldom go down, but they count their blessings. They have enough, materialistically and intellectually, to keep their heads above the water most of the time. They float on the borders of water and air, living between the hot and the cold. They will survive, provided that they are diligent enough.

 

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And now looking at these prospectively…owh hei, who do we have here? Let’s hear an applause for The Game Poachers!! How glad of you to join us!! Now would you kindly illumine us about the situation we have here?? *whisper* Let’s just call you Poachie, eh?? *whisper*

 

********POACHIE CLEARS THROAT********

 

Let’s start with the  Horde. They can just shout or say what they want. They’re just a bunch of adolescents trying to be vocal or stand up for something. These people just want to feel that they have somehow contributed to the community, mainly through the social media, well sometimes through demonstrations and rallies. But to be frank this hasn’t been really working; they are all talk and no work. The Horde isn’t something I will lose sleep over. You clamp them down, but not completely; purposely leak something for them to exploit. Allow them to build resistance, i.e. Facebook Groups, LGBT Movements etc. Once in a while allow them rallies and demonstrations. But since it’s deliberated you can always be prepared to contain any fallout. That should keep them busy and not create any bigger fuss.

 

Next are The Optimists. They are like colony of ants attracted to spots with sugar, bees to where flowers are.You just have to give them a little preview, or sneak peek of some big policy you’re going trash out later. It doesn’t have to be loads,; even a speck of sugar can get the whole ant colony excited. If you’re lucky enough you can actually make tonnes out of this i.e. spread a rumour that bread prices are soaring, I can guarantee that the Optimists will come frantically stocking in flour.   If you’re smart enough to stockpile lots of flour prior to this then you’ll definitely have to buy me some booze and boobs *perverted laugh *

 

And lastly the Mohists; It’s really love-hate to me.

 

Let’s start with The Indifferent. They are there for a reason. Everybody hates them, yet everybody needs them. You can’t really pressed out much from them. But if you give them just enough (sometimes barely enough if you have a tight purse), they will work their assess off for you!! They are really a dedicated bunch, working 80-90 hours a week for the least amount of output.That’s what I call efficiency!!! Every Capitalists’ American Dream - minimum input for maximum output!!

 

Then we have the Floaters. I ABSOLUTELY hate them!! Detest them, if I must say. These people don’t contribute much; they can’t and won’t spend much glitters. But they would demand for more if the Horde’s feeble campaign gains momentum, then they can be quite a headache. They really are a troublesome bunch.They think they are the class honours and would so believe that they are entitled to the privileges and luxury that us Poachers have. Not in a million years!! What we have and own today came with a heavy price, founded on bloodshed and built with risks of death and  agony.

 

And yes, if you ever wondered, or perhaps you have already realised by now…

 

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WE ACTUALLY OWN ALL OF THIS AND WE RUN THE WHOLE GOD DAMNED SHOW!!!

 

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給比受更爲有福？

 

心底一沉，他伸出戰戰兢兢的双手,從她手中提出來的白金鑽石戒指拿過來。反手把戒指塔在手掌上，陽光照射而產生的反射瞬間閃過，他不由閉上了雙眼。想不到單單一枚戒指，這時拿在手上，竟然有那無比的沉重。

“對不起，你...這份心思，我...算是心領了。”她不曾擡起頭來，更提不起膽量望著他，只以那細密的歉意作爲對他的回復。這時湖邊忽然吹來一陣西風，數千萬焦紅色的樹葉頓時由天而降，已剩乾枯的樹幹微微隨風搖擺。

棄者難留，他深知，一切已成定局。她，也比很多人更有勇氣，選擇了向他坦然，一了百了。那深至入骨的失望依然在胸中徘徊，一陣苦，一陣酸，很是難受。多年來的暗戀，數月來的心思因一句不到十秒鐘的“對不起”化爲烏有。心中明白，戰敗也得敗的得體大方，便提起丹田中又憂傷又氣餒的的一股氣，擺上一副從容的面孔，開口慾要説話。但未及開口，卻被她搶先一步。

“你這份禮物，實在太貴重，”她身子黯然地轉向大湖，深深嘆息了一口氣，才輕聲接道，“我...實在...受不起。你...還是把它暫且收藏，日後送了給別人吧...”話一說完，她又低著頭，雙掌伸入那深藍色的牛仔褲。一時不知如何回答，他惻然得望著她那微微抖著的背影，不由自己也嘆了一口。

遠望著大湖水面上逐漸黃昏的天空，加上四周通紅的景色，他提起沉重的腳步站到她身邊，腦子裏盤算著無數的話語，一時不知從何開始。片刻后把心一狠，咬著牙根，決定不再顧慮那麽多。

他舉起右手掌説道，“你可知爲什麽給...”,頓了一頓把手攤開,那銀色戒指又再次反映它輝煌的燦爛。他繼道，“...給遠比受更為有福？”

她搖了頭。望著她滿腹赫然及一幅充滿好奇心的表情，他胸襟頓時充滿信心。

“儅一個人付出的時候，無論是物質，金錢，甚至感情，往往都是一廂情願的。”

“一廂情願？”

他默然點頭，堅持他並沒說錯。

“一廂情願，是因爲這種人從不必計較對方的感受，也不必對方的認同。他們只在乎的，是自己付出以後的滿足感。後果如何，實在不再任何人的控制範圍内。”

他轉過身子面著她，雙人臉頰距離不出兩尺，隱隱約約能聞到她身上傳來的玉蘭花香水味。片刻后拿起她的右手，把戒指塞了給她，未讓她有機會拒絕就把手收回去了。

“心願也是如此，心思也是如此，禮物也是如此。當初我買下了這枚戒指，指定你是它唯一的主人。既然全都交托給你，全都是你的了。我心已碎，也無緣留給你。”

此時兩人淚已滿襟，他卻未盡説心裏的話。

“...唯一可留給你的，就是這枚戒指。要留要丟，慾買慾存，你自己決定好了。”

話説完后，他轉過身子，瀟灑的走開。被他的氣概有所感動，她轉過身子，一陣傷感，一陣感觸，心裏忽然一時衝動，差點突出口，要求他留步。但她始終沒把他留住，眼睜睜看著他背影漸漸離去。

此時湖邊一片寧靜，耳邊仍然旋環著他那一席話，但四周的淒涼卻遠遠不及她心中那突兀的寂寞孤單。

U.&.1 – Part VII

 

creak…creak…creak…creak…

The creaking of the twigs and dead leaves masked the tiny, staccato sobs that followed the rigid footsteps. Isolde purposely took a day off, passed on all assignments she held previously to the others; they could make do without her for a day. Nobody had seen her in such a state. What her stunned colleagues and managing director saw was she suddenly just walked off an internal auditing session and left. Nobody heard from her for several hours until she called back in and informed Mary that she needed the next day off.

I’ll probably have to come up with an apology…

Of course, she knew that nobody would really blame her for what she’d done. But they all cared for her and they would definitely worry. But even so, this was something that she definitely need to do, at all cost.

creak…creak…creak…creak…

She didn’t break her stride, nor slowed it to buy her more time. Even if its something innate, she couldn’t bear the thought of facing the very guilt that is feasting on the fear inside her. The greyish skyline didn’t help, the setting sun gave her no warmth. Instead, she marched on bracing the Northern breeze; she could feel the chill right inside her bones.

It’s so unfair. YOU are so unfair…

She wasn’t entirely alone. On the west end of the field she could see children clamouring out of a bus, clearly dropping them off after school. The dead silence that engulfed her was briefly broken by the cheerful laughter and friendly banters of those children. She was glad that she wasn’t the only living soul present, nor the only company lying peacefully six feet under across the twenty yard radius.

creak…creak…creak…creak

Then her footsteps came to a stop, and instantly she knew she was at the right spot. Even without referring to the paper slip that she held so tightly in her palms, she knew, because it felt like home. That presence, so reassuring and safe, was there, even when it was entombed in black marble. There was nothing alive in it, yet the glare from  his eyes was so alive that as if he was seeing right through her.

Maybe you have always seen through my facade.

But why didn’t he tear down the barrier between them, she couldn’t tell for sure. But she wasn’t going to let this  come between their reunion. What still remain a mystery, she’ll treasure it in her heart. Seating herself at one of the corners, she laid a bunch of tulips on the surface. Uncontrollably, with her eyes closed so hard that it started to bleed tears, she ran her trembling fingers across the golden lacquered words. The word that once spelt the whole world to her.

ISAAC (1979 - 2012)

Dearly beloved brother and friend that the LORD graciously receiveth unto His Kingdom.

He  had always known, but elected to never tell her. Amidst her teary eyes she looked up upon that beautiful smile, adorned by the very deep blue coloured tie that she bought him for his graduation present. Having vaguely known his feelings for her, she chose to ignore it and immersed herself in her career. But she knew, every single time she suffers a broken heart, he was the one who again and again puts the pieces back together. But now, there are no more broken hearts to mend anymore.

creak…creak…creak…creak…

The fury in her breathes ceased a little, as a palm landed upon her right shoulder. With her left she reached for the hand and wrapped the arm around her. She didn’t intend to come and mourn, or drown herself in grief and guilt. She came to move on, with the one that recently picked up the shards of her shredded heart,shredded by the very loss she is now recuperating from.

Some things are just not meant to be, for fate had cruelly set them apart. Complacency and indulgence in her pursuit of advancement in her career had robbed them the bliss that both of them could have had together.

“It’s time to go…”

She nodded in response. All things have come to an end, including what is left between him and her.  Not knowing whether she’ll ever come again, but she knows, he will always watch over her.

Thank you. And goodbye.

Turning around, her face still drench in her own tears, she dived into the arms of her protector, arms with such warmth and strength. They stood there for a whole minute, each mouthing their own silent prayer. Then Isolde broke the equilibrium.

“Let’s go, Tristan…”

The Green House Effect…

“…As of today, you would graduate as brilliant scientists – some as brilliant physicists, neurologists or passionate botanists – the very best this institution had seen in generations…”

As the chancellor’s speech echoed across the auditorium, her mind was noticeably absent throughout the convocation; she wasn’t listening to a single word the chancellor had impeccably and mechanically delivered script. If he was trying to impress the audiences, he might have succeeded. You could have seen the eyes of those who looked and listened so attentively, but not her. Physically she was seated at row G14 of the North-West wing of the auditorium, but her mind and thoughts could not be less further.

Somewhere in the “family and friends” section whom were only present on reserved invitation were her parents. They were so eager and enthusiastic, flew across the Atlantic and took another 5 hour train ride to attend her convocation; in God’s name they were not to miss it. But her thoughts were not upon them, nor upon her ex-boyfriend that came uninvited, unwelcomed. She had no idea how in the world and from whom he had secured those tickets. She pretended to be busy and dispatched him to his seat after a brief hello.

By trade she would graduate and become a botanist, she supposed. Her B.Sc in Botanics is somewhat a queer choice for a field of study. The lack of exotic and rare vegetation in Britain would mean that she would have to travel all over the globe, if she ever managed to secure a job in her field of study. Not that she hates travelling, but physically her body is ill-built for long distance travels or long working shifts. Back when she was younger she’d easily fall sick whenever she does not get enough rests.

Her parents had been dropping hints all over the place; they would want their precious daughter to be primarily based near to them. Her father, a retiree from government service, had accumulated numerous contacts over the years of service, and was positively sure that he could secure a job for her at the local council. She protested, of course. What kind of career path can the local council possibly offer her apart from tending to the garden flowers and a few miserable trees which are what’s left from the town’s rapid industrial development?

“Good pay and easy work, darling. And most importantly, you’re near to home and Julien.”

“Mom, we broke up months ago!! And I don’t want to be seeing him again!!”

“Well, with a bit of luck you’ll be seeing him again, I hope. I like that dear boy a lot. What’s gotten into you?”

“Common sense, mom, common sense. So no, THANK YOU.”

She holed up herself in her room for the rest of the weekend, and eventually came out when she needed to go for her lectures. Her parents said nothing since then, pretended that nothing happened. She would prefer that they would retort and shout everything back at her; she would have felt much better. But their tolerance towards her defiance made it even harder for her.

They are not getting any younger, of course. They were great parents to her, and will continue to be so. Ever since young she had everything; her parents showered her with great care and love. In truth she couldn’t have asked for anything more. In the eyes of her friends and family, they are the ideal model. Well not everything is pretty on the inside; what is family without a squabble or two once in a while? But these issues are minute and ridiculous in comparison to those who are less fortunate than her.

But ever since she moved out to study at the university she began to taste something that she never realised that was lacking in her life. It made her feel powerful, in control, independent. In turn she became more creative and adventurous in all her undertakings. She tasted freedom. So addictive, so compelling that once she completed her final year and return home, she suffers the withdrawal from the lost of it.

She understood that it is her responsibility to stick with the family through thick and thin, to protect the legacy of the family, to ensure that the values imbedded in her continue to live through her veins. This greenhouse houses many things, grows many things, fosters many things, many but one. There was no freedom. The absence of freedom is the very bondage and yoke that burdens her. Even down to the career, her parents are still trying to manipulate  and formulate plans to keep their little girl close to them.

“…we had hope to produce graduates with qualities that can withstand the changes of time. We had hope to produce creative and autonomous individuals that may bring changes and developments to the community…”

The institute had done their job well. In her, there is this rebellious little girl that dreams big, to attempt and do great things. But her loyalty and love for her family becomes the very shackles that restrains this little rebel inside her. There is no doubt in her that they love her wholeheartedly, and she love them with all her heart too. But who would have thought that love, so beautiful, pure and pristine, when misplaced, misunderstood, can be so poisonous and so deadly?

“…the institution had hope to be as greenhouses,  and when you, just as plants or faunas when placed into the optimum environment, will be able to grow healthily and beautifully. And at the end of the day, there is no greatest wish of ours than for each and everyone of you to step out of this greenhouse, equipped in the confidence of your skills and knowledge acquired here over the years, and apply them in your careers, and that you would flourish in whatever you strive to do and to achieve…”

She let out a silent sigh, yet it reverberates deep into her heart. Her mind and thoughts were still far from it, but from what she can tell, she could be stuck in this greenhouse of hers for all eternity with no prospect of escaping it. Greenhouses, indeed, are as double-edge swords.

P’s? Pease? Piece?

 

P....

is never the absence of fear; nor

the absence of pain; nor

the self-denial of what is true; nor

the utopian dream of the perfect being.

 

.E...

is never about maintaining diplomatic status quo; nor

preserving the sovereignty of the monarch; nor

balancing socio-economic diversity; nor

supressing  dynamics of human relationship.

 

..A..

is an elusive state of mind; and

a way of living between self and men; and

a divine blessing that many seek; yet

only a few managed to find.

 

...C.

is the acceptance of the inevitable, with

empathy and understanding; and

the appreciation of diversity, with

tolerance and sincerity.

 

....E

is the calmness within the storm; and

trust in light of doubts; and

belief in face of uncertainty; and

strength in time of adversity.

 

It is the solitude when all motion is in discord; and

wisdom amidst the corrupt; and

the lightened beacon in a darkened night; and

loving a world that has forgotten how to love.