不知不觉，太阳西下。
“喂？”
“是我…”。随后却是一片肃静。
心想着，又是这阵不自然的安静…恐怕，是最后一次了。 望着窗外的柳树，不禁叹了气。
我们到底怎么了？
“我决定了-我要离开。”对方憔悴的语气，把气氛弄得更为僵硬。
隐隐约约地，他的答复早就在预料当中。却也知道，这答复是经过一段的思考、体谅和琢磨换来的一个回应。
不知该说些什么，也就什么也不说。此时又是一片安宁。
斗嘴，也斗过了。架子，也摆了很多遍。人人常说，情侣不打不相识。想回来真有点懊悔。但饭已成粥，却也难免的。
“那…我祝你…一路顺风。”听见自己的声音，吓了一跳。这战战兢兢，吞吞吐吐的声音竟是自己的？
低头一望，就看见房间里夕阳照着自己身体的影子。很羡慕这没有表情，没有情绪的形象。他是否也这样？
“我要挂了，你多保重。”不知不觉，不禁地流泪了，脸颊湿了。
“对不起…”他没等回复，就把线挂了。一切都了断了，也算是一了百了。
挂了电话，回身倒在床上。窗外看见大半太阳被山脉遮住。空中金色的云彩也逐渐被天色吞没。
满脸眼泪流不停，嘴里带着苦笑，又叹了一口气。
只可惜，太近黄昏了…
“Why are you pulling over?” Caleb asked.
“I need a drink”, Adam droved into the almost empty parking lot of the little pub by the road. Adam greeted the bar lady and the cute waitress that was cleaning a table, and chose a table right next to the corner. The old jazz pianist was playing the piano. Caleb ordered a tanker of beer for Adam, another cup of Coke Malibu for himself. I’ll need the extra kick, he thought.
Before Caleb sat himself down, Adam had already downed nearly half of his beer, then said,“Still can’t right believe it, Jean and Desmond getting married huh?”
Caleb appeared to have not heard Adam, took a little sip of his drink, and returned it onto the table. Adam was already taking the last gulp of his beer.
“I’m just glad for them.”
“Really?”
Stunned, Caleb looked up and saw Adam starring right into him. His cheeks were already red, face like a ripe tomato. Just like usual, casual and playful on the outside, yet a sharp and bright mind on the inside. Drinks a lot, but never drunk.
“I’m happy that she’s happy”
“You look far from happy to me”
“You’re drank too much”
“But never drunk”
Caleb knew Adam’s excuse to get a drink is for Caleb to loosen up and relax. He knew this was coming when Adam pulled over. Adam was sensitive enough to know that the night had been a long and tough for him.
“There’s nothing to be done; she’s happy. I’d have done something if she’s not”
“Ah…correction: You should have done something back then. When she was depressed and alone”, Adam ordered another tanker from the cute waitress.
“What do you want from me? I was going away. Away for a very long time. Too long, too far. It’ll never work.” Agitated, Caleb finished his drink in one take, and slammed his cup on the surface table. It was loud, but the jazz pianist playing on the side covered the noise. The bar lady and the waitress didn’t seem to hear the noise.
“That’s more like it. If you feel that much for her, why not give it one last try? I still stick by what I said. You never know till you tried.”
Then there was a long pause between them. Adam, probably coming to his senses, drank his second serving slowly, sip by sip. He would still have to drive them both home safely. Caleb, on the other hand, was starring through the mirror into the dark. Their silence was interceded by the graceful and optimistic jazz music.
Old in body, young in heart huh?
“Give it another try, would you?” Finishing his drink, Adam went up to the bar lady and paid their tabs. He tipped the cute waitress handsomely, before walking himself out to the car.
A smile cracked on Caleb’s face. Once again he took up his cup to finish his drink, only to realise that he had already finished it in his fury earlier. Now he set his cup gently on the table, bided the bar lady, cute waitress and the old jazz pianist goodnight.
At the door he felt the cold breeze against his burning cheeks, drenched a little by his tears. He knew, he passed his chance a long time ago.
Some things, once passed, is gone forever.
A:
There are reasons why people dislike “send-offs”. Unlike “goodbyes”, its usually more negative. If you put the farewells in order, the highest, the most positive one would be “See you again!!”. Then followed by “Goodbyes”. The worst would be seeing your friends off.
It’s not the parting that marks it a sad and depressing occasion. In fact, it may even be a positive occasion, especially when you’re seeing off somebody-you-don’t-really-like-but-don’t-have-a-choice-of-not-sending-him/her-off. My point is, you can feel either happy and sad while sending someone away or even both at the same time.
But there’s always these at the end of every sending off. You’ll wonder: why aren’t you on that cab, train, ship, or plane. What in the world are you sending people off repeatedly replays itself like a broken projector in your mind. You thought you had come to terms long ago that you are never going to get on that cab/train/ship/plane.
I can tell you, despite all those feeling, nothing would top this: the feeling of being left behind. In its strictest sense, you are being left out. You’re omitted from embarking the same journey your friends are taking. You’re one of the few, maybe even the only one, to remain stagnant at where you are.
That’s why people would rather not meet, for every meeting ends with separation. I would rather avoid “send-offs”, so that I’m spared this melancholic, self-denial, confession of a person in solitude, feeling left behind.
But then again, would there be “send-offs” without anybody being left behind?
Now I know there has been a lot of hype surrounding the “rental” issue. Now here's my thoughts. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. If you’re unreasonably unable to accept criticism, or unable to process my personal yet I think is legitimate reasoning, or simply because you can’t stand me as a person, PLEASE DO NOT READ.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Now friends,
The Situation: Escalating Rents, Reduced Services
Rumours has it that its now up to 400 Pounds!! Hell yeah!! Cleaners no longer work on our god damn ever so dirty kitchen!! What do they work on anyway??!! All I see them doing (hear to be exact) is to vacuum the house then go outside having bedside-girl-talk with fellow cleaners about the latest X-Factor…Now I don’t remember paying that amount of money for them to sweet talk around the village….But well I must say, there are times where you hear spicy stuffs like This is your job and I had to cover your ass etc. Yeah, these cleaners DO know how to quarrel.
Well then, what’s the real problem??
Higher Rent means Lesser $$$
Now this is not rocket science; it doesn’t take the Bank Negara experts to figure that out. Student life is the peak of passion, passion for things and enjoyment. Let’s take a peek at my wish list:
1. I wanna own a Xbox, or at least a game console…
2. I wanna own a brand new laptop, for my assignments and games…
3. I wanna get a brand new Nike football boots…
4. I wanna go home for the summer!! It’ll be good if I can get a de- tour around Europe before heading back to the M’sian sun… 
How on earth am I suppose to own all these stuffs (or achieve them for point 4) if I gotta pay more rent??!?!! No please Marjon, I need a happy young adult life since I’m deprived of a happy spoilt childhood.
As you can see, a student life can be depressing, demotivating, and dangerous. Dangerous?? Why??
This is why:
The Conspiracy Theory
You know how people can come up with crazy ideas/theories/hypothesis that there’s a conspiracy planned against them?? If you think you are different from the guy/girl sitting next to you, think again. PEOPLE ARE PARANOID. We keep thinking how people judge us, how they scheme to bring us down, to make us feel bad.
Back to the topic, there is a theory speculating that more locals are moving out the village, the halls, so to cover the high maintenance costs, ours are increased. You know how Malaysians always think that other people think Malaysians are like cash cows?? They like to think it that way; it makes them feel….what’s the right word?? IMPORTANT. Well yeah, the whole world MUST conspire against you if you’re important.
Okay..it’s kinda long-winded and tiring to read all this shit. So let’s take a break before we look at the arguments.
So?? What’s your point, Genius??
There are two different stands on this matter. Most people (cause I don’t wanna make sweeping statements) take it as a Financial Tsunami. Why do I call it a Tsunami?? It all started with a deep sea quake, which people on land barely feel. Well, in fact they may be aware of it first time, but they’ll think, Ah, it’s nothing. The tidal wave then comes in. You don’t quite see it, because it gradually builds up.Then when it really gets near, say the shore, you’ll pee in your pants.
Likewise, nobody really gives it a damn in the first place. Then when one starts to talk about it, another gets hooked up. Like how hysteria spreads. A girl sees another cries or wail suddenly, they can’t resist the urge to get the same attention. It is INFECTIOUS. It spreads until nobody, literally nobody do not speak about it. It becomes such a grave matter that people resort to this ultimate ultimatum line: We need to talk. And there was a talk. It sound almost like God saying Let there be light.
You know nothing good comes from it if someone says that to you…
The other stand, which is my stand, is not entire opposite, but certainly different. Let me do it in point form, easier on the mind:
1. Higher rents = Less money. Which means less numbers on my bank account. But why Marjon didn’t provide an official statement???!!! And shit, I got a really really tight window to get a new place..Ridiculous.
2. Reduced service = I don’t see that much of them for me to like them. It’s okay if they’re there, if not, its not too big a problem.
3. Conspiracy Theory = I just think it’s childish. I’m not that full of myself thinking that people would wanna take advantage of me. I’m just a poor government sponsored student studying in a backwater Plymouth. If I’m not, I won’t be here.
4. Financial Tsunami. To be frank, I’m totally not worried about it at all. I can see a few outcomes of this matter. Either the KPM would be generous enough to give us an increment in our allowances (which I highly doubt), or Marjon would come to an agreement with the Ministry to sort things out. My point is, I don’t really carry much weight. Even if there’s 99 of me’s.
Let me just summarize my stand: I’m grateful for everything I have. (ring a bell, people??) Strictly speaking the chances of me to die on my travels to Europe or back to Malaysia is higher than my odds of dying of starvation, or being homeless. Yeah, yeah, our families poured millions of ringgit of taxes, but I would like to think that I’m always on the receiving end of abundant goodness which many could never have experience. I would like to remember that I’m far far more fortunate than those poor Plymouthians sleeping in the streets, the jobless hoping for food from the Salvation Army.
Not just Plymouth, apparently the whole world is going DOWN. It’s a economical ARMAGGEDON. Why do you think the cleaners service is reduced?? Why no more free tissues or free washed clean linens? You can do the math. People are getting lay off every single day.
Dear friends, before you even think that the rise in house rent is unfair, look at the streets. And don’t you dare yell at those officers that is just trying to do their best in their job. They deserve more than a speculation of your brilliant conspiracy theory you so wisely conceived. We have been blessed, don’t give God a reason to stop doing that.
Please, grow up.
p.s. Let me hear it from you!!
Alas, although you’re him whose in my heart, I’m not her who is in your arms.
It is the last time she’ll see his back. As often as she had done so for the past 9 months, staring into the infinite suction of hope and wonder, it is time that they be parted.
She is so close to him that she hears him breathing the gentle sea breeze. There is some sunlight, but not enough to provide sufficient warmth to her; she wraps her arms around her.
She wonders, every time at the sight of him, that what would have become of them if she had come clean with him. But even if she had the courage, would that change anything?
There are so many If only’s, If only that’ll never be. Looking at his back from afar, thinking, If only you knew how I felt about you.
It is just like the weather, a raging storm contained in the dark clouds, awaiting the opportunity to burst free. But her feelings must never obtain freedom.
She then hears him say, “Nine months in a flash, and we’ll be home.” A small fissure-like smile appear on the face of the girl warmly tucked in his arms.
She turns around, and with her heavy footsteps, gradually moving away. He did not notice her departure.